I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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