I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
