trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
