If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
