Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
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I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Come on in and take your pants off
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