I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
