UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
