Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
