So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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