I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
