you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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