I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
