Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.