I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
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Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid