if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia