and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for