cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van