Apparently you make a good broom.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home