I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
