I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
