Don't make out with my wife yet
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
