That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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