Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
