if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
