My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
