textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
