A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
