do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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