do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
