You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
