May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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