That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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