Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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