are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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