I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
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You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize