I wish I could teleport
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
