My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
