Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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