Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
