You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
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I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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