I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
