official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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