So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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