There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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