another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
