we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
