I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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