Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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