i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
