Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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