I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
