the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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