I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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