Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I party with great urgency now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
