Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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