ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
