no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
