she was so not down for the gang bang
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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