If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i dont even know how to be here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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