Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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