The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
