Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
