Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
