Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
