As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
