I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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