every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have fence marks all over my body
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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