Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Randomize
