wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
