So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
