You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
