took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
