The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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