You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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