I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
