Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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