I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
