is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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