garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
