So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
