Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
