A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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