It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
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I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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